Little Miss Doctor!

Well who would have thought it? I actually made it through medical school. Am feeling quite fragile from the Finalist Ball and lots of champagne etc since. I remember a few months ago, I was talking to one of the junior doctors on the firm I was attached to. I said I wasn't sure whether to go to the ball - it was bloody expensive and there was another party going on. She said I should definately go. She said "It's the only time in your life you're going to feel like a somebody. This summer will be the best time of your life, cos you'll start work and realise a doctor's life is shit and you'll be treated like a nobody!" Yeah, good pick me up! Also not making me feel that much better is that I know the girl who is doing the job I'll be taking over from, and she hates the hospital and the job and the NHS so much she is going abroad to continue her training, joining the ranks of British junior doctors who are swelling the ranks of the antipodean medical profession. Ho hum.

But seriously, I have job lined up. A house with the boy. Things are looking good!

In the midst of exam hell

I try to tell myself I'm still alive and a real person despite the fact I have been doing nothing for months except attempting to turn myself into someone I'm not - ie a confident future doctor. I wake early early in the mornings, with my head full of dreams full of patients that I have seen over the past few years, ones that are probably still alive, ones that are dead. In all the dreams I am disappointing people. And they are more real to me than the exams are.

"You take a really sleepy man, Esme, and he always stands a chance of again becoming a man with all his fac-with all his f-a-c-u-1-t-i-e-s intact."

-JD Salinger